I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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