her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
