Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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