He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
