She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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