I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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