The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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