dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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