I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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