I want to make a zoo with you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
