I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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