I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
