Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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