Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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