If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
