For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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