I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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