the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I CAN MOONWALK!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
