he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
