My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
