Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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