i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize