I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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