Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its about making memories worth repressing
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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