I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
