what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
