If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
