did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
farters have to be the big spoon...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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