I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
