Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
