Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize