No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
