His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
