That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
