note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
