Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
