Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
