Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
