my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize