so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
