This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
