He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
