If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
