I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
