Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
