do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
