I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
