So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
