ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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