I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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