I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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