Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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