It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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