this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize