there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
