i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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