Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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