i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
