Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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