If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
