Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
