She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
