it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
