It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
