guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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