Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
