Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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