where am i from again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
