my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
