Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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