Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
