life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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