Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
