sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
